My parents divorce when I was 17. You would think that after 5 years they would have worked out some of the issues they have with each other and be able to at least be in the same room without fighting, but I guess I'm wrong about that. Most of the time they're fighting about money. It's really starting to get to me lately. I'm just so sick of hearing about how my Dad doesn't wanna pay my Mom money and doesn't wanna contribute anything for me and my sister. I understand that we're both over the age of 18, but neither of us are financially stable enough to support ourselves. We both have jobs, but neither of us make enough to support ourselves. We also both go to college, so it's not a full time job. It's just annoying to know that since we're 18 and the "papers" from court say he doesn't have to pay anymore, means that he can just go do whatever he wants now. My Mom gets stuck with a lot of the bills and she makes no where near the money he makes. He is by no means "poor." He actually makes good money, but he is unwilling to give money to my Mom. The weird thing about it is that he will take me and my sister out to dinner without blinking and he'll fill up my sister's gas tank without thinking, but he can't help my Mom out.
The reason I feel stuck in the middle is because my Mom tells me everything that goes on between them and what's said in the fights. It's getting to be too much. I know I side with her a lot because I see her point, but sometimes I'm scared to disagree with her because I know she'll be upset and hurt. I know she doesn't make a lot and I don't blame her for not being able to afford everything that my Dad does, but the whole situation just sucks.
I was on the phone with her today and she basically told me to lie to my Dad. My Mom wants money to help pay for me and my sister's cell phone bills. She's tried to ask him nicely, at least that's what she said. He hung up on her and now they're in a huge fight. She wants me to tell him that now she's forcing me and my sister to pay the 60 dollars a month for our cell phone, when we're only actually paying her 25 dollars. I understand where she's coming from and I understand that this may help her financially, but I feel stupid lying to my Dad in order to get money out of him. I have always tried to be able to do things on my own without needing help from my parents. My sister is the opposite and doesn't mind asking for help, but I just feel bad lying in order to help my Mom out. I love them both, so I don't know what to do and I don't want to hurt either. I'm just so stuck :( I'm not sure I want to have to talk about these things with my Mom anymore. Sometimes I wish she wouldn't tell me what goes on between them. Maybe it would be easier if she just said she couldn't financially afford certain things, rather than telling me the details and play-by-play of what happened between them.
I hope I don't end up like that in the future. I know that sounds horrible and really mean, but being the kid and having to deal with it all the time is just a struggle. I don't wanna put my kids through that and I don't want to be in either of my parent's shoes.
On a side note, Lindsey says Matt really wants to meet me, but I basically told her I wasn't looking for anything. She found it really weird. I'm not saying that if I met Matt that we would ever be in a relationship, but lately I just haven't had the best of luck with finding someone great. I haven't been treated the best... maybe I've even been used in a sense. Having gone through that fairly recently, it's not something I want to jump into. She says Matt will be sad if he doesn't get to meet me, but I'm sure he'll get over it. It's really not that big a deal and I'm not something so special that he's missing out big time... At least that's how I see it.
I guess that's all I'm gonna write for now. I don't wanna go off on too much of a tangent and have 97259725 topics and thoughts going all at once. Hopefully I'll write again soon.
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